Necessary

25 Common Misconceptions

gnarlyrun — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 22:35:34 +0000

1. I believe pumpkin pie should be enjoyed year round.

Not true.

2. When it comes to sewing, I’m somewhere between beginner and intermediate.

Not true.

3. I have a black friend named Tanner.

Not true.

4. Dry shampoo changed my life.

Not true.

5. I share a birthday with Carl Wienke, inventor of the corkscrew.

Not true.

6. Like royal jelly, bingo brings out the best in me.

Not true.

7. There is nothing like a camp fire.

Not true.

8. I secretly wish I was born in the year of the rooster.

Not true.

9. I typically answer the phone, “Hello, this is Kirk. Can I help you?”

Not true.

10. When making a snowman, I work top to bottom.

Not true.

11. I used to think Vagina was a city in Saskatchewan.

Not true.

12. I close my eyes when I drink orange juice.

Not true.

13. I started watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants one summer evening.

Not true.

14. If I were to rank my favorite lighthouses, there would be a tie for number one.

Not true.

15. The secret to my smooth skin is a combination of mashed banana and buttermilk and baby oil. And papaya.

Not true

16. I haven’t used the word “bushwhacked” in a while.

Not true.

17. I refuse to indulge my hair with Tahitian vanilla oils.

Not true.

18. My eyes are the color of clean mint toothpaste.

Not true.

19. People always ask me where I get all my energy.

Not true.

20. I guess you could say I’m a bean curd kind of guy.

Not true.

21. I carry an umbrella wherever I go.

Not true.

22. Things I enjoy include almonds, focacia, folding socks, and lake beds.

Not true.

23. I can shoot the fleas off a dog’s back at 500 yards.

Not true.

24. My folk art collection has suffered from the recession.

Not true.

25. I’ve been feeling much peppier today and yesterday.

Not true.

Kirk’s Book Club

gnarlyrun — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 01:34:55 +0000

Two exclusive selections:

The Winner’s Mind/ by Allen Fox

It’s rare to find a book under 210 pages with so much enthusiasm on the cover and so many savvy insights inside. Everything from winning to achieving to succeeding is covered. I would recommend this to anyone who needs some motivation to go the extra mile. Also, for any single woman who’s struggling to understand the man of her dreams, this book is rich in psychological detail and haircuts. Copies are hard to find, but I’m sure they sell it somewhere.

The World’s Best Golf Jokes/ by Ray Welch

Everybody loves golf because it’s the gift that keeps on giving. With winter approaching, you might have to put your game on hold–but not the laughs. Golf humor is known for its painfully wry, observant takes on golf and those who play it, so order now.

What makes Information Technology professionals tick?

gnarlyrun — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:21:06 +0000

Maybe, we’ll never know.

When playing Pictionary, I will occasionally forget to start the timer

gnarlyrun — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 01:33:48 +0000

This is not something I like to talk about, nor is it something I am proud of. Over Thanksgiving, I plan to kick this habit and say goodbye to a person I’ve known for a long time–the cheater in me. Except, replace ‘cheater’ with ‘go-getter.’

The more you network, the more people will notice you’re networking

gnarlyrun — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 11:30:57 +0000

Nothing excites bosses, managers and clients more than a good networker. For years, I’ve tried building a network. I reach out. I shoot e-mails. I meet needs. I provide leadership. I deliver solutions. I get back in touch. You might hear me effortlessly say, ”we’re on the same page,” which means that I am on the same page as the person with whom I am talking. This makes the person comfortable. I also carry a blackberry so I can compile contacts, events and meetings and assign each a ringtone of my choosing.

Despite all my efforts, though, my network is only about 10 strong. This includes my sister. Generally speaking, a network should be about 279 people. Unless you’re a cab driver. Then the number should be slightly higher. Fortunately for me, networks are difficult to define and, thus, nearly impossible to quantify. That is why it is important to keep networking. By networking I mean appear to be networking. If you are talking to someone, you could be networking. Or you could be asking the time. The casual observer can’t be sure. Is this person networking, he asks himself? Maybe. The same is true online. Keep contacting. Let people know you’re there. Others might notice.

So, to all you wide-eyed college graduates eager to fulfill your networking dreams, I have one piece of advice: always wear a name tag. Name tags suggest enthusiasm. They are also sometimes required.

It doesn’t get much grittier than this

gnarlyrun — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 01:09:17 +0000

Mostly it’s the title and Ed Norton’s realistic looking scar. It’s also made by three Irish guys with goatees, which adds more grit. Norton has a goatee too. More grit. Colin Farrell is Irish and capable of growing a goatee. Very gritty. It could be the grittiest film since Bad Boys 2.

I need a new headlight

gnarlyrun — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 23:34:58 +0000

What’s really disappointing is the lack of Gatorade options

gnarlyrun — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 00:58:14 +0000

It doesn’t seem right that your only choices are Thirst Quencher Lemon-Lime, Fruit Punch, Orange, Cool Blue, Ice Punch, Rain Berry, Rain Lime, Rain Tangerine, AM Orange-Strawberry, AM Tropical Mango, Fierce Wild Berry Fierce Grape, Fierce Melon, Fierce Strawberry, Xtremo Mango, Xtremo Intenso, X-Factor Lemon Lime-Strawberry, X-Factor Fruit Punch-Berry, X-Factor Orange-Tropical Fruit, Lemonade, Frost Glacial Freeze, Frost Rip Tide Rush; Tiger Red Drive, Cool Fusion, Quiet Storm; G2 Fruit Punch, Orange, Grape, Endurance Formula; Propel Fitness Lemon, Berry, Black Cherry, Peach, Grape, Melon, Blackberry, Lemonade; Propel Calcium Strawberry, Mango, Mixed Berry and Mandarin Orange.

I think my girlfriend is starting to come around to Polish meats

gnarlyrun — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 01:49:52 +0000

It took less than a week in Warsaw without luggage and the taste explosion of organic energy bars to get hooked. Now it’s always, “Kirk, save me some Zywiecka” or “You know what I could really go for? A Serdelki, aka Hot Dog” or “Baby, is there any Salceson Ozorkowy left?” or “Yes, I think I’ll start with the Pasztet” or “All this Kielbasa casserole needs is some dried sage. What a shame.” Soon she’ll be ordering the village ham at places like this:

Maybe this is just a phase. Who knows. I love love bean her just the same. Especially when she calls me “Podhalanska”… The Highlander.

I wish the presidential campaign could go on longer

gnarlyrun — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 11:21:10 +0000

Like any responsible voter, I’m just asking for more media coverage and unsolicited commentary from people I know and sort of know. I’d also like more debates and chances to ask people if they watched the debates. Maybe four or five months worth. Make it an even six. I’d just hate to look back and think, ‘that was the one that got away.’